Hey…
I find it beyond weird to write the “A little About Me” section (which often devolves into a boring, waxing poetic pontification no one wants to read) on any platform. Writing about myself on a blog authored by me is obnoxious, yes? So, instead, I’ll fashion the Dee 411 y’all may or may not care about into a Q&A, with the Q portion asked by my best friend since 10th grade, Lara. These really are her questions, so this will read like a conversation between her and me. Enjoy!
LARA: Why a blog now? Aren’t you a little late to the game?
ME: I see what you’re doing here with this question. You’re not slick, miss ma’am. That question is super loaded. You’re asking it because you know how reluctant I was to do it. I don’t care about whether or not anyone sees it, reads it, likes it, shares it or comments on it. This blog is purely an act of obedience. When I first got the unction to write it, I had just been part of a reduction in force (i.e. laid off), and being gainfully employed was my top priority. Nearly five months later, I’m still looking for a full-time gig, and God is still on me like a chicken on a June bug about writing. He just won’t let up about it. Confirmations have been popping up almost since the day I was laid off. They’re everywhere all the time. For the better part of my career, I’ve solely relegated my writing talent to what was professionally required of me.
The truth is, my daytime gig hasn’t been the problem. The real reason I haven’t written for public consumption is because I’ve been afraid. Afraid of the past. Afraid of the whole “to whom much is given, much is expected” thing. Afraid that I’m actually a crappy writer. Afraid that someone out there in the ether will pull on the thread of my potential and that a ministry will be birthed out of it.
I don’t want a ministry. I don’t want demand. I don’t want expectation. That’s the raw, uncut ugliness. That’s the truth.
But, God is long suffering. Or, in my case, He’s lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng suffering. He’s Romans 8:28’ing the time I’ve been laid off. He’s working it for my good. He’s repurposing it. He’s making it make sense (kind of). He’s being gently relentless in His insistence that I need to write. Right now.
One of the content creators I review recently read my freaking mail in a recent post titled “What are you doing HERE?," and said this while discussing the prophet Elijah: “One of the saddest things about Elijah…was that his assignment was cut short because he allowed the lies of the enemy to win. The devil throws empty threats, and we run. Don’t quit. Don’t allow the lies of the enemy [to] make you give up. Don’t allow the picture (the enemy) painted for you become your reality. You don’t have to accept and receive that. And some of you have work to do. And you’re forfeiting it, and handing it off to the next person. God will always raise up another. He will. It doesn’t mean that He wants to right now. You can still say ‘Yes.’ You can still submit and do what He’s asking you to do. You can still go after Him and go after it.”
That part. Irrespective of how late I am to the game, that’s why I launched this blog.
LARA: What most influenced your writing style?
ME: I’m fortunate to have had a couple of exceptionally skilled and accomplished writing mentors. They got on my nerves and mercilessly nitpicked my every word, phrase and sentence into grammatical oblivion, but they sharpened me. They taught me the importance of crafting a tight sentence that lands. I’m grateful for their time, attention and pressure. It’s important for me to have level-up people in my life. Accountability zealots are key.
LARA: What drives you?
ME: This is a lame question. Do better.
LARA: If you could make an award that would represent your greatest accomplishment, what would the award be?
ME: The “Loves Unconditionally No Matter What” award.
LARA: As a communications professional with responsibilities that include interacting with the media and Influencers, elevating brands, products and services and crafting public-facing messaging, how do you effectively do your job for companies that are increasingly shifting their company values to accommodate outside sentiment without compromising your individual professional code of conduct?
ME: That question is at least partially why I’m still looking for employment. I’m at a professional crossroads. Because corporate comms is so company values-based, I’m challenged with finding a good employment fit on a leadership team that doesn’t capitulate to every virtue signal precipitated by the social justice crisis du jour.
Listen, I don’t require my employer to publicly declare loyalty to thinly veiled political party-relevant fringe special interest groups or causes, and I certainly won’t be manipulated or bullied into internally or externally communicating anything about myself I’m not comfortable communicating. I won’t have my thoughts or my speech compelled. To require anyone to agree with groupthink or speak under coercion is the opposite of inclusion. None of this behavior is acceptable, it’s unprofessional and the demanded compliance with compelled thought or speech is civil rights-infringing. Plus, all the companies who knee-jerk react in feigned support of many fringe special interest crusades usually cannot draw a straight — or even a dotted — line between the group or cause and whatever product or service the company is selling, promoting or offering. It’s silly, and often requires companies to completely abandon who have been its core customer base for eons to temporarily satisfy the noisy. It’s a slippery slope, the proverbial beast is never fed and every company inevitably reaches its bridge-too-far line in the sand.
But, with the advent of and adherence to ESG scores that, unfortunately, affect the bottom line, I’m really starting to question whether or not corporate is for me anymore. I’m a comms exec; not an IT exec. It’s not possible for me to just put my head down and do my job regardless of the company’s public statement on any given cultural or social issue. In fact, I’m the one crafting the public statements on the company’s behalf.
Maybe God is telling me to write full-time?
LARA: On the other side of being twice divorced, what has been the hardest thing you’ve had to face about yourself?
ME: Oh, you’re going in like that? Okay, got it.
My answer in 2023 is much different than it would’ve been even a year ago. It would be easy for me to drop the predictable, pedestrian “I need to pay attention to red flags” and “It’s not wise to fall in love with potential” retrospectives, but the truth is, I went into both marriages loaded up with my own red flags and unrealized potential. Lots. And, because I was at varying levels of maturity in my relationship with God during both marriages, there were some red flags I was not sensitive enough to the Holy Spirit to recognize. And, because of my relational immaturity, I was also not discerning enough to avoid letting my exes get involved with me. That’s my fault. My relationship with God is my responsibility. Full stop.
My 2023 answer: the hardest thing I’ve had to face about myself on the other side of being twice divorced is that I failed as a wife. Twice. I know it’s a bit reductive, but that’s the net-net. And, anyone who knows anything about me knows that, in my mind, conceding failure is synonymous with sliding down a razor blade into a pool of rubbing alcohol. That is especially true as it relates to my failure in covenant with God and another person. Were there other factors? Sure. Were there tangible issues that were beyond my control? Yep. But, because I’m big on taking personal responsibility for outcomes, my failure as a helpmate is the hardest thing I have soberly unpacked in taking inventory of my life so far. And it sucks. But, God’s grace super abounds.
LARA: You’ve been coached by some of the most well-known Olympic- and collegiate-level gymnastics leaders in the world. How did you meet their expectations and raise the bar (pun intended) without burning out?
ME: I did burn out, actually. I quit the sport for a year (the year you and I met). The burnout was definitely from the pressure of besting myself every day. Practice was significantly more intense than competitions. And, because I always challenged myself to train with coaches who had top-tier talent in the gym every day (daily competition is everything), I got to see everyone’s improvement progressions every day at practice. My coaches were masters at making sure we all knew what did and didn’t meet their approval. When any of my training mates got one too many “atta’ girls,” I leveled myself up… on eleven. It wasn’t that I didn’t celebrate my training mates’ successes. I did. But, a competitor is a competitor. Coaches recognize it instantly, and they pull that thread for as long as possible. At one point in my career, it wasn’t sustainable anymore, I hit a wall and had to recalibrate. It wasn’t until my college years that I figured out how to pace myself, be more competitively strategic and keep my focus on the team’s (rather than my own) success. When the team became “my why,” I had more individual success than I could have ever asked for, thought about or imagined possible.
LARA: What makes you laugh?
ME: The ringtone I assigned to your number in my phone. It’s the song “Soul Glo” from the original “Coming to America” film. It’s always hilarious, and you know the phone is going to ring four or five times because I have to listen to the whole thing. You also know I will usually answer the phone laughing. It’s “oh so silky smooth.”
Other things that make me laugh:
My siblings. They’re side-splittingly funny.
Everything Bernie Mac ever said
“Dragonfly Jones” (IYKYK)
Every John Hughes film ever made
Every episode of “The Office” (and a well-timed “That’s what she said” joke)
The viral meme of the cat at the vet (IYKYK)
Steven Crowder’s Trump impression
LARA: What do people assume about you before they know you?
ME: That I speak Spanish (nope), that I’m bi-racial (nope) or that I’m aligned with Liberal/Democrat values (nope). People also assume I’m bougie (nope). I’m not bougie; I’m fancy. There’s a huge difference. The distance between being bougie and fancy is as vast as is the distance between being country and southern (I’m southern and city with occasional country tendencies).
LARA: What’s your favorite literary work?
ME: “To Kill A Mockingbird.” I wanted to be like “Atticus Finch” when I grew up. I still want to be like him.
LARA: What’s your second-favorite literary work?
ME: “She’s Come Undone” by Wally Lamb. He masterfully writes from a woman’s perspective. It’s eerily accurate. I also can’t get enough of Thomas Sowell, but he’s a non-fiction writer.
LARA: Who do people say you look like?
ME: Paula Abdul. I don’t see it, but I’ve been hearing it since I was 16 years old.
LARA: What are your top three favorite Bible verses as of June 2023?
ME: This is always so hard. I’m giving you five, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
1. Luke 10:19 because it’s always #1. It’s SO slept on.
2. Psalm 91:10
3. Psalm 107:1-5 (I know that’s five whole verses. Cope.)
4. Amos 9:13-15 (MSG)
5. 1 John 4:16 (believing The Love is a massive theme right now)
LARA: Dogs or cats?
ME: Both. But, I’m pretty sure my next pet will be a dog. A big one. And definitely a male. I like male energy around me. In the meantime, your pup, Emmitt, is my pup. I’m madly in love with him.
LARA: What do you think is the biggest threat in modern society?
ME: The war on alpha manhood and the worship of the matriarchy. I’ve been on this for the better part of a decade. It’s not possible to see a television show, commercial or hear a popular song that doesn’t totally emasculate men. Men have been reduced to either drooling morons eating Cheetos out of their navels while women and children tell them how life works, or they’re completely muted. There’s a calculated, concentrated effort to make men either effeminate or eunuchs. I’m not here for it, vehemently opposed to it and I know I’m called to combat this global agenda in some way.
LARA: What Prince song did you hear and instantly know that he wrote it for you?
ME: “Dionne.” I forgave him for spelling my name incorrectly (there’s just one ‘n’ in my name). This question could also lead to an answer long enough to qualify as a newsletter, but I’ll list just a few more I just know he wrote for me: “Forever In My Life,” “Venus de Milo,” “Erotic City,” “Pink Cashmere” “Lady Cab Driver,” “The Question of U,” “Little Red Corvette,” “Beautiful, Loved and Blessed,” “Gamillah,” “Somewhere Here On Earth,” “Joy In Repetition,” “U’re Gonna C Me,” “How Come U Don’t Call Me Anymore,” “Look At Me, Look At U,” “Peach,” “The Beautiful Ones,” “When 2 R In Love,” “Better with Time” and, obviously, “Adore.”
It should be noted that there’s just one big radio hit in that whole list. #deeptracksonly
LARA: How do you chose which content creators you will review?
ME: Since the point of Contrarian Review is to implement a counterintuitive approach to reviewing others’ content (i.e. lifting them up vs tearing them down — even when I disagree with them), I review content creators who are unapologetic. That usually means creators with a faith- or conservative-space slant, but I also review creators who just freaking go for it, and stay consistent. With respect to the former, these creators represent the body of Christ and, in some cases, the remnant of that, so I want to give them their flowers. They’re going against the world’s grain, and persecution is real. With respect to the latter, I’m a free speech advocate, so I like to see what people are willing to say regardless of what it costs them.
LARA: How do you choose Life Review topics?
ME: That’s easy. If it’s a little (or a lot) embarrassing to reveal, but I know it could help someone, it’s in.
LARA: What’s your love language?
ME: Roll Tide. In fact, if I ever get married again, I will say “Roll Tide” instead of “I do.” Okay, just to keep it official, I’ll say both.
